The Big Get-Nothing

Small Time Crooks

Woody Allen has always been prolific and like any artist, he goes through times of mountain top enrichment only to plateau for a period. Or a decade. Like in the early aughts following the jazz-cool  Sweet And Lowdown and before the sexy Match Point, when Allen cranked out a movie a year, and most of them were mediocre. Like Small Time Crooks where he, Tracey Ullman, and Michael Rappaport plan to rob a bank via a cookie shop they were using as a front… only to blindly figure out that the cookies brought in a higher payroll than the initial bank job.

So what does a Woody Allen film have to do with Paul Di Filippo’s latest, The Big Get-Even? Well for one thing, talking about Woody Allen films, even his less-than-enchanting ones, is a helluva lot more interesting than reviewing this unexceptional novel. And for another, the plots are thematically similar, along with a finale so blatant even the blind director from Hollywood Ending (ugh) could see it coming in off the horizon.

The Big Get Even

The Big Get-Even is a heist caper, a grift, that although the high points fit the genre, it meanders around at a leisurely pace. No snappy chatter. No sticking-it-to-the-man. And really, no likable characters either. I don’t feel sorry that the arsonist – an arsonist – is cheated out of his ill-gotten gains. I don’t understand how the whining lawyer is elevated to that of a Clooney-esque stud. I don’t appreciate that the contribution of all three women in the story is solely – and only – for sex.

The first part of the story is actually interesting. Di Filippo lays out his characters of Glen (lawyer) and Stan (arsonist), and builds the premise of the plot. That journey had merit as the story began to build. You could see the lightning preceding the on-set of the storm. But then nothing. Just dark clouds resulting in poor vision and a damp time. No fun. No electricity. And a con as dull as Will Smith’s Focus.

I would like to thank NetGalley and Blackstone Publishing for the ARC… even though I think I was hustled into providing a review. And without even getting a cookie.


As Always,
theJOE